♪ ♪ ♪ we're the kids in america ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ time now for tonight's "closing arguments." he didn't quite declare "mission accomplished" but president obama today said the united states is on track to

successfully withdraw troops from iraq at the end of the month. by august 31st, the number of u.s. troops in iraq will shrink from 144,000 to 50,000. the president said the withdrawal comes as promised and on schedule. fulfilling a key campaign promise to leave iraq. so after a difficult month of domestic problems for the president, will a smooth transition restore his popularity? tell us what you think by clicking at the "nightline" facebook page or anytime on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message about quizno's $5-$4-$3 value menu. quizno's is so delicious, why, it almost makes me wanna sing -- but it makes me want to force our staff to sing for me? so now, it's time to give an unhappy member of our staff to show off his or her singing ability. it's time to spin the wheel of reluctant employees!

[ cheers and applause ] all right. we got brandon, we got cleto, we got erin, we got jonathan and we got mike. are we ready? let's spin this thing. and best of luck to all of you. let's see. oh, my goodness, erin! erin, no cursing during the -- erin, there's no cursing during the competition. here's erin with -- oh with cat ears on. >> shut up jimmy. >> take it away. ♪ 5, 4, 3 5, 4, 3 quiznos 5, 4, 3 value menu get a 5 dollar large sub ♪ ♪ woo hoo or 2 items from the choose 2 menu, also for 5 bucks. over a foot of flavor with a toasty torpedo for just 4 bucks. or a toasty bullet for 3 dollars

i hate you jimmy -- with 5, 4, 3. thank you very much. >> dicky: brought to you by the quiznos $5-$4-$3 value menu. quiznos. mm, toasty! >> jimmy: that was really good. "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with ali and youtube sensation basil marceaux and shaquille o'neal. hi a number two please? would you like that to hurt now, or later? uh, what? sir, do you want heartburn pain now or later? [ male announcer ] these medicines make you choose.

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beautified with dovemoisturizers... and cool fragrances. dove clinical protection. where beautiful girls ind strength. i don't know about tiffany wearing a white dress. i'm sorry. why shouldn't my daughter be wearing white? [ male announcer ] need a moment? ♪ ♪ don't you think she should be dressed in warm colors? you know, you're right. she is the sunshine of my life. [ male announcer ] when you need a moment, chew it over with twix®. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- shaquille o'neal. "the bachelorette," ali fedotowsky. and roberto martinez. jake byrd saves lindsay lohan. and youtube sensation basil marceaux.

with cleto and the cletones. and now, it's my pleasure to inform you here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, that's very nice of you. thanks for coming. it's a real rice krispy treat to have you here tonight with us. welcome to "the bachelorette" after the after the after the rose special. hour nine of our ongoing coverage here of abc. i'm your host chris harrison. thank you for tuning in. as you know tonight, the emotional finale of the bachelorette, and i'm going to admit something, and i hope you don't think less of me for saying this but i haven't cried

this much watching a tv show since t.r. knight left "grey's anatomy." i mean that. i was an absolute mess. the bachelorette ali made the most important decision a person can make. she converted to islam. [ laughter ] now shabazz faruk i think. all the spoiler blogs were sure she'd pick roberto. they all said it's obvious she's more attracted to him. it's obvious they have chemistry. sure enough, it was roberto. so -- thanks for -- thanks for ruining it, blogs. ali and roberto are here with us tonight. [ applause ] unusual thing. she didn't -- she didn't go the normal route where you let the guy propose and then you say no i'm going to pick the other -- she told chris early she was going with roberto, which was a nice thing to do. i'm glad she did it because

chris seems like a very nice guy. he took the news pretty well i have to say. then right after ali gave him the bad news, he got a sign a rainbow appeared in the sky. seriously. [ laughter ] well, you'll see it later. before his mom passed away, she told him she would come to him in rainbows and sure enough -- you're going to feel bad about laughing later. tell her, it's true. and sure enough right there, a rainbow that left chris and everyone watching, deeply moved. >> ten minutes after ali left on the porch, there's a perfect rainbow. when i saw that rainbow, in all this hurt and, like confusion, and, like, what the hell's going on i was like -- >> oh my god, rainbow all the way, across the sky! oh wow! woo! oh, my god.

look at that. oh, my god. what does this mean? too much. tell me what it means. woo! >> jimmy: well, you know that had to be done, right? i think -- i, um that was a nice moment. i think they should make ali the permanent bachelorette. you know? she did well. i'm sure roberto would understand. honey, it's my job. very strong season. in fact, if i had to choose one word to describe this season of "the bachelorette" that word would be amazing. the word amazing was used about 160 times this season. we've turned into a drinking game where you take a drink every time someone said amazing. you have to stop because people were dying of alcohol poisoning. the word amazing was said on average a little more than 16 times per episode this year. let's go to tonight's amazing

tote board. >> this amazing island. >> bora bora is an amazing place. >> an amazing place. >> an amazing time. >> this amazing daughter. >> getting to know your daughter has been amazing. >> your daughter is an absolutely amazing girl. >> you're amazing. >> today was amazing. >> i want tonight to be amazing. >> today was wicked amazing. >> i had this amazing date with roberto. i have two amazing guys. they're both amazing guys. >> she's one of the most apaying girls i've ever met. we had an amazing time. that's an amazing quality. >> you're absolutely amazing. >> chris is an amazing man. chris is an amazing guy. chris is amazing. i sent an amazing guy home. >> amazing. >> she is an amazing, amazing girl. >> jimmy: that's a double. i like to see them use the words amaze balls to describe everything. she's amaze balls. speaking of bachelorette snooki

from the jersey shore, snooki got arrested this weekend. yep. i didn't know they made handcuffs that small. but apparently they do. snooki was arrested on friday for disorderly conduct in seaside heights, new jersey. which is crazy. you don't arrest snooki for disorder conduct. it's like arresting the sun for rising. it's what she does. here you can see this is snooki being taken into custody. somebody shot -- she's the only person in the history of new jersey who had to use a booster seat to take her mug shot. have you seen her mug shot by the way? i think all the drinking and tanning might be taking its toll on snooki because she's -- [ applause ] she's a mess. you know you look at -- snooki's behavior the drunkedness, the fighting, now getting arrested. i can't really think, we need to get her together with andy dick. wouldn't they make an amazing couple? and she could be snooki dick if they got married.

could be on to something here. meanwhile, on the very same beach where snooki was arrested a shark swam up on to the sand at the beach. it's shark week on the discovery channel right now. i guess sharks have been showing up at various beaches to promote it. [ laughter ] could you imagine, though if a shark had eaten snooki? that would be the greatest cable television event of all time. someone should make that happen. shark eat snooki. and while you're at it get the real housewives on deadliest catch. chelsea clinton got married this weekend. anybody in our audience invited to the wedding? no? she married longtime boyfriend marque mezvinski in new york. she had a tough choice between him and chris r. chelsea wore a dress designed by vera wang. usually when you hear the words clinton and wang in a sentence together, it has nothing to do with fashion.

in this case it did. her mother hillary clinton, wore something tasteful from the men's warehouse. and she was a beautiful -- congratulations to them is what i'm saying. [ applause ] you know there are a number of -- a number of political campaigns being run right now across the country. i don't pay attention to most of these. there is a candidate for governor tennessee that caught my eye. his name is basil marceau. the local nbc affiliate in nashville gave each of the candidates a chance to introduce himself or herself. this is where i fell in love with basil. >> i'm basil marceau.com. >> first of all, want to point out, he's half internet. >> republican candidate for governor. i like to recall all permits and registration for guns. everyone carry guns. if you kill someone, you get murdered, you go to jail. i like to put -- plant grass or vegetation across the state where any vacant lot and sell it

for gas so we can use it for our expenses. >> jimmy: i like what i'm hearing so far i have to say. [ applause ] and i -- palin/marceau 2012 could be a very viable ticket. here's basil marceau.com on traffic stops. >> i also want to stop traffic stops. set it up like the supreme court rule. you can't look. i want you all to vote for basil marceau. pledge allegiance to the republican in the morning when you come out. and we all pray to god and say amen and everyone have a nice day. >> jimmy: all right. well, it's -- i don't know what the platform message is exactly but i'm pretty sure he made it himself out of plywood. tonight, basil is here with us in person to share some of his ideas. basil marceau.com.

mark my word some day, that man's face will be on money. some big changes coming to "american idol" next season. last week ellen degeneres announced she was leaving the show. it's been reported kara digardi is not coming back either. wouldn't that be the fair thing to do? the rumored replacements are jennifer lopez and steven tyler from aerosmith. randy jackson would stay. randy jackson, steven tyler, jennifer lopez, why even bother having contestants? just put those three in a house, you've got a show right there. hey, you know i guess -- what 13 days, she served of her 90 day sentence in linwood correctional facility in california. lindsay lohan was out cars rated early this morning. taken directly to ucla psychiatric hospital for

evaluation. >> listenshe will spend the next three months -- >> jimmy: that's her old friend herbie. he gave her a ride just to get her there quickly. there was a large crowd -- a large crowd assembled outside the jail where lindsay served her sentence including our old pal jake byrd. jake byrd say celebrity superfan. he loves lindsay lohan. so much so he even -- watch for him here -- he made our local news last night. >> we are live in linwood and we'll go right there and show you the shot of the door where once again lindsay lohan set to be released -- >> jimmy: all right, so that's jake. he was very excited. he manage to coral his emotions just enough to file this report exclusively for us. >> you're a big fan of lindsay, that's why we're here. >> you're a big lindsay fan? >> i guess yeah. whatever. >> they're adorable and she's a wonderful role model. >> yeah, she is.

>> like the michael lohan of dads. >> she could party. whatever, like whatever she wants to do she could do. >> she could do anything. she could do cough syrup. she could do methamphetamine. she could do a paper bag filled with rustoleum primer. >> if you do it do the time. >> she's tweeting. she's twittering. >> guess what? >> she needs to be twittering tweeting. >> you go over there, get you a tweeter. >> i wish. >> there's certainly a lot of paparazzi here waiting for her imminent release. they're focused on one of her number one fans. she walked in here for a 90-day sentence and because of overcrowding it looked like she'll be able to walk out these doors after just 12 days. >> yeah! it's going to be a magical night. i don't think anything's

happening. i think she's just settling in. she's still there for one more night, drinking a big carafe of toilet wine and taking it easy. ♪ old mcdonald had a farm ♪ ♪ eieio ♪ ♪ on this farm he had a lindsay lohan ♪ ♪ with a glug glug here ♪ free lindsay, everybody! free the lohan one! what's up? this is it man. it's the magic night. they're letting our princess free. >> this concludes her custody. okay? >> no party time? >> all right. so we're done. and we can all go home now. see you later.

>> thanks for nothing. >> you're welcome. >> jimmy: there you go. they'll be together eventually. jake byrd, everybody. thank you, jake. we got a good show tonight. ali "the batch alreadychelorbachelorette" and roberto are here. youtube sensation basil marceaux and we'll be right back with shaquille o'neal. so stick around. when i use expedia my friends at work think there's more than one "me." ...because on our trips, i always get there faster. see, expedia lets me mix and match airlines. so i can take one airline out... and another home. so with more flight options, i can find the combination that gets me there and back quickest. with a little help from expedia, my friends will think i can be everywhere at once.

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i said "nacho". [ clears throat ] la, la, la, la, la can't hear you... la, la, la, la can't hear you... okay... la, la, la, la, can't hear you!! ...that's when i decided to fully invest in my 401k. [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker. because at cheez-it real cheese matters.

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc >> jimmy: welcome back. earlier tonight, we watched this young couple fall in love, without any incident at all, "the bachelorette" ali and her new fiancé. this time, it's gonna last. and then later, a man who could be the next governor of the great state of tennessee. basil marceaux is here. tomorrow night -- dylan mcdermott, mary elizabeth winstead, and music from flo rida. then later this week -- ice cube, melissa rycroft,

eva mendes and music from saving abel, and the black crowes. so join us for that. our first guest tonight is a four-time nba champion, a 15-time all-star and a nonstop tweeter, despite having u nor enormously unwielding thumbs. starting tomorrow night at 9:00, he takes on a variety of challenges on "shaq versus." please welcome the gigantic and gregarious shaquille o'neal. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] wow. you're getting bigger. you're getting taller. you look like the night sky.

are those pajamas? >> you look like a mortician. >> jimmy: but those are -- i mean, because you're wearing slippers so i thought maybe those are pajamas. are those not pajamas? >> no just my -- >> jimmy: just my chillout look. are all your clothes custom made? ever walked into a store and bought something off the rack? >> not even underwear. they don't make them that big. >> jimmy: do you have to have your underwear made? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't? >> no. >> jimmy: there's a special department at fruit of the loom for you or something? >> yes. >> jimmy: there is? >> i buy my underwear from the jimmy kimmel section. >> jimmy: you do, all right. well, do you watch the show "the bachelorette"? >> no, what's that? >> jimmy: you've never seen it? >> no. >> jimmy: it's a dating show. what they do, they put a woman on the show and she gets 25

guys. or a guy and he gets 25 girls to pick from. then they pick. and it never works out really. but we keep watching it over and over again. the reason i bring it up is because in a way you had your heart broken recently. you went to cleveland to play with lebron james. and then he left. and it's particularly hurtful, i think, because you bought him for his birthday is it true you bought him a $400,000 rolls royce for his birthday? >> no $40 rolls royce. >> jimmy: $40. >> one of those phantom cars. >> jimmy: it was a toy. >> it was a toy. >> jimmy: for real? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh. no wonder he left. and with him leaving, did he consult you, say, hey, man, i know it's -- >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: not at all? >> i was at the crib chilling. the lebron-athon thing came on

and he said he was going to miami. shock to everybody. >> jimmy: you played with the laker. you played in cleveland. played with kobe. played with dwyane wade. played with lebron. who was the best teammate of those three? >> all similar. all great players. >> jimmy: who's the best one? >> i don't know. i don't know. i try to give you the politically correct answer. but i don't know. >> jimmy: where you going to play next year? have you decided? are you leaning one way or the other? >> right now i'm on the 730 day program, which means i have two years left. so i'm going to try to sign with the right team. >> jimmy: two years left in your nba career? >> yes i want to -- >> jimmy: i can't imagine you in a celtics uniform though. i just can't imagine it. can you imagine it? >> celtics will be a good program. >> jimmy: good place to go? >> yes it would. >> jimmy: will you feel weird after playing for the lakers?

>> no. >> jimmy: you would not? >> no. >> jimmy: i guess from your attire you don't feel weird about putting on any kind of clothes. [ applause ] >> 1-0, you got me. >> jimmy: let's talk about this show "shaq versus." this is a great idea. you're really probably the only person that could pull this show off. you take people on at their game in different arenas. whether it be different sports. last year you swam against michael phelps. you claim you won that. >> i did win. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: besides that had you -- did you win any of them last year? >> i won all of them. in my mind. >> jimmy: right. and this year, you have some good ones lined up. >> yes. >> jimmy: playing golf against charles barkley. >> yes. >> jimmy: what else you have lined up? >> daryl earnhardt jr. >> jimmy: daryl earnhardt jr. >> justin bieber. >> jimmy: when you get in -- what is your -- what's the nature of your competition with

justin bieber? >> we're going to do like a little dance-off. >> jimmy: a dance-off? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my god, he's going to fall in the hole you create and we'll never see him again. dance-off with justin bieber. >> sugar shane mobley boxing. >> jimmy: is it real? >> it's real it's real. >> jimmy: how -- i mean does he even -- >> see, see? >> jimmy: see my reflexes, like a minute and a half, i'll flinch. and so you box with him. >> yes. >> jimmy: did you feel good about that? was he worried at all? it seems like if you got him with one good shot be you could really -- >> no i just wanted to -- we went out there you know before we fought, i told hi look if you got a shot, knock me out. because i didn't really know how it would feel if i could take it or not. he hit me one good time. i had to grab him. make sure my teeth were still in my mouth. after that, got through it. >> jimmy: did he hit you with an upper cut? jump up? >> no he hit me with the fake

low, then he came up with the right. >> jimmy: was it intimidating being in the ring with him? >> no not at all. >> jimmy: you're not intimidated by anyone. >> no. >> jimmy: or anything really. >> no. >> jimmy: you had a spelling bee against a young girl. >> yes. >> jimmy: who, she's, what 14 15 years old, something like that? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: she's the spelling champion. >> yes. >> jimmy: we have a clip. >> the words that she's spelling, i've never seen before in my life. >> i would like to challenge you to a spelling contest. keep in mind, i have my bachelor's and my master's and i'm ready to go. if you don't believe me kitten k-i-t-t-e-n. [ applause ] you accept my challenge? she giggled. i ain't tripping. >> okay i mean i guess. last time jimmy kimmel when he challenged me, i did beat him. >> and i beat jimmy kim until scrabble, same thing. >> jimmy: i don't remember you

winning that cable game but we did play scrabble. >> listen, i dominated you in scrabble. >> jimmy: usually people don't make up their own worlds. >> okay. but, there's skable and ebonnics scrabble. >> jimmy: right. >> we played ebonnics scrabble. >> jimmy: i didn't realize we were playing ebonnics scrabble. >> they knew in the back. >> jimmy: so you take on this girl and she's a very good speller, isn't she? >> yes, excellent. i mean i'm 38 read the paper all the time read you know the internet, read contracts all the time but some of these words were like man, i almost had to pull out my sheet cheat but i didn't. >> jimmy: you did not cheat? >> no. >> jimmy: do you feel like you did well in the competition? >> i did excellent. i won. >> jimmy: there's really no drama because shaq wins every one of these events. >> you know what? since i challenged the best, i would like to challenge you. [ audience oohs ]

>> jimmy: ooh. at what? >> monologs. >> jimmy: how would it work exactly? >> i do a monologue about you, you do one about me. >> jimmy: okay all right. i'll do that. sure, yeah. all right. [ applause ] so all right, we'll do it on your show. >> yes. >> jimmy: i'm up for that. is there any chance i win this thing? >> no. >> jimmy: no? >> not at all. >> jimmy: well, there's a lot of fun to be had on shaq's show. it's called "shaq versus" season two premieres tomorrow night at 8:00 on abc. look for us. shaquille o'neal, everybody. we'll be right back with ali the bachelorette and basil marceau. [ cat ] i am beautiful... [ vet ] your turn, max. [ cat ] inside and out. i'm not the only one who thinks so... right, doc?

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aying together for three months. please welcome ali fedotowsky and roberto martinez. >> jimmy: i want to ask, first of all who did i pick for you? that's right, i picked you roberto. >> you had better predictions when you were on the nfl pregame show. >> jimmy: listen privately, i told ali you were -- and then wanted to see the reaction. she was very careful about this stuff. i'm wondering, first of all, did you guys watch the finale together? >> we did. >> jimmy: when did you see it? >> we watched it -- i'm sorry. when did we watch it? >> last week. >> jimmy: last week. and how did that go? >> we watched it like ten times

in a row. >> jimmy: you did, really? >> this is the best movie i've ever seen. i'm like put it in again. this is good stuff. >> i love you so much. >> jimmy: really, wow? roberto, did you get upset during the parts where ali smacking out with the other guys? >> come on. you had to go there. >> jimmy: because i wonder about that. because you don't know what goes on during that time. all a sudden it's like hey, what's going on here. >> i knew going into it you kind of like prepare for that stuff. >> jimmy: you do? >> i mean mentally you know what you're getting into. if you're going into this. and it was hard to watch at times. definitely. but she's the best man. i mean she kind of walked me through it. and in the end, i'm here. we're good. this is -- i got the girl, right? >> jimmy: we analyzed the show maybe a little too closely. it seemed like you were the only one that was getting any tongue

on the show. that's a real giveaway. >> kimmel got a little too close. >> look at him. come on girls. look at him. >> jimmy: ali, at one point, did you decide what roberto was the guy? >> you know we always had a really strong connection from the very first night when i gave him the first impression rose. and i always had a feeling, a really strong feeling. i just knew in the end when all i wanted to do was see him. when i knew i had a great guy, chris, who's wonderful and -- >> jimmy: amazing some would say. >> amazing amazing, sure. you know i just knew that -- the fact that i didn't want to leave roberto and i wanted to stay with roberto just showed me that's who i wanted to be with and i wanted to put everything i had into him. >> jimmy: at the end, it always comes down to two people at the end. but usually the bachelor or bachelorette is like you know kind of going back and forth. i'm like wait if they're really in love how does it work that you're making out 24 hours before you get proposed to with

another person? >> yeah, babe, how does that -- >> i didn't do that! >> i'm kidding. ending was perfect. >> jimmy: is this your first fight? you guys have been together like, now, hiding -- >> three months about. >> jimmy: and i can understand how you do it because people would expect that you're going to have to be in that situation. roberto, how do you explain to your family friends that i'm disappearing for three months? >> i told -- well, they knew i was doing the show. i was like hey, man, can't say anything. it's hard. >> jimmy: so you guys have not been -- have you been together the whole time or been separate? >> we're actually -- we're apart ten days and we're together five days. apart ten days together five days. >> jimmy: so you spent a total of, what, like 20 days together then? >> yeah, probably. in seclusion. you do a lot of weird things when you're put together and you can't go anywhere. >> jimmy: what kind of weird things?

you said weird things. what does that mean? >> we had to entertain ourselves, you know? we, like played games. we made up hand shakes. we did lots of -- >> jimmy: have you learned anything about each other that you didn't know or that surprised you, that sort of thing? >> you know, i had an interesting situation where i learned how i'm supposed to eat popcorn. >> sometimes -- >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> i didn't know there was any other way to eat popcorn. crunch it, makes a lot of noise. she's like, no you're supposed to moisen it it's not supposed to make any noise. this thing with your hands. >> you do this. >> jimmy: that's how rhesus monkeys eat popcorn. you moisten the popcorn before you -- >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: what do you mean moisten it? >> i put it in -- i -- >> i was eating it too loud.

>> jimmy: you gently put it in there and let it dissolve on the tongue? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. >> right. that's -- >> jimmy: roberto doesn't do that. nobody does that, by the way. >> it's a weird thing with me. >> jimmy: guys don't have time for that. >> he's learning to love the little weird things about me. >> now when i eat popcorn, even by myself i'm like -- >> jimmy: so you're hen pecking already. >> she's perfect. >> jimmy: by the way, "people" magazine, they did a vote on people.com and look at this. america picked chris. over roberto. well, it didn't make a difference so nobody needs to worry about it. are you sure you trust your heart more than you trust people.com? >> that's good jimmy. >> jimmy: so this is very strong now. and forgive me for being a little bit skeptical. you guys do seem like you're very -- but every single time the couple comes here and then something weird happens. and something terrible happens.

so that's not going to happen right? >> not going to happen. >> nothing weird, nothing terrible. we have so much faith in our relationship and, you know we just -- every day, we tell each other, you're my priority we're going to put each other first, no matter what every single day. >> jimmy: have you figure out when you're going to get married? >> maybe in the spring we're thinking. >> jimmy: in the spring? very nice. unlike the clintons will you invite the obamas to your wedding? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: i think that would be a very nice -- >> my mom wants like 700 people at the wedding so we got to fill up the list. >> jimmy: that's what i want to see on videotape. the wedding. the planning. the crying. >> that's one thing we've been doing when we're cooped i, i put bridezillas on it's like this program, we watch it all day long. >> i don't watch that. i'm doing other stuff. >> jimmy: congratulations to the two of you. i really do hope it works.

roberto and ali, everybody. our bachelorette and -- and i don't know, the couple i guess. we'll be right back with basil marceau. hey! what's going on sweetie? hey, do you got a minute? yeah. are you alone? yeah. well, you know that thing... we've been working on for a while now? no way, really? yes. really? mmm hmm you're gonna be a dad.

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"meg whitman says she'll run california like her company..." seen this attack on meg whitman? who are these people? they're the unions and special interests behind jerry brown. they want jerry brown because, he won't "rock the boat," in sacramento. he'll be the same as he ever was. high taxes. lost jobs. big pensions for state employees. the special interests have chosen their governor. how about you? >> jimmy: hi there, we're back. our next guest made national news when a one minute speech he made on local television became a huge youtube hit. he is a republican candidate for governor of tennessee. please say hello to basil marceaux.

♪ what happened to your hand? >> i was making some sausage and the fat came out and squished all over my hand. >> jimmy: you have to be careful. >> don't buy any cheap sausage. >> jimmy: it was cheap sausage. that should be part of your campaign platform don't buy cheap sausage. >> that's right. >> jimmy: let's go over your platform, if we could. first of all, you say -- you believe everyone should carry guns? >> that's correct. after reading the constitution, it says we have right to bear arm against our government. >> jimmy: right. >> so that's -- >> jimmy: would people be required to bear arms? would they have to have guns? >> if they didn't have one they couldn't represent themselves to protect themselves against the government so -- i probably fine 'em $10 if they don't -- >> jimmy: you would fine them? >> i'd have investigators on the

street, say, show me your gun. if you don't have one, i'm going to fine them 10 bucks. >> jimmy: would you put lindsay lohan to death if you were the governor of california? >> no. >> jimmy: you would not, okay? >> hey unless she kills someone. then i'd have no choice. >> jimmy: right, okay. now, i want to go through another -- this is a quote from your website. vote for me. if i win, i will immune you from all state crimes for the rest of your life. what does that mean? >> okay so -- >> jimmy: if i commit a crime, if i vote for you, i'd have immunity? >> well, see, in 1866 -- >> jimmy: yeah, but that was a long time ago. what happens if i do something today? if i do something today, would i have immunity from crime? >> okay let me explain. if the supreme court came to a point to where they can't rule they don't know they go back in history and see if anybody voted for it in history. i couldn't find anything on how to stop traffic stops in the united states. i went back in the past.

i found a civil rights act of 1866 that was adopted in the 14th amendment. >> jimmy: that's about traffic? there wasn't cars then. >> no it wasn't. it made a misdemeanor to break the constitution. $1,000 fine you're in jail. right? for anyone. you turn them over to the u.s. marshal. that supposed to be a marine today, a civilian. >> jimmy: i'm not sure i get that, but let me ask another one. >> well, it says if you're -- you can arrest anyone. anyone who hindered the constitution. it says i can't give all the warrants out so i hire a citizen to give the warrant out. >> jimmy: like police? >> no. only the ones we have to arrest. so i have to take a citizen. so if a hit zen hands the warrant to the police the police will arrest them. so i have to protect them. so they would have to be immune. as a voter that would be the same thing. >> jimmy: is there a mrs. basil marceau?

>> yes. >> jimmy: there is? >> 30 happy years. >> jimmy: she happy you're running? >> she's happy you're running but she's not happy that i put her -- she thinks i put her life in danger by making -- >> jimmy: the sausage? >> no, the stand i'm taking, about turning tennessee a republic. >> jimmy: i see. she doesn't want to be involved in any controversy? >> a lot of people in the past that had controversy end up dead. >> jimmy: yeah, that's right, that's right. don't say that in front of her. she's already upset about this. your son is your campaign manager. does he agree with all your -- everything you've said? >> i would say 98.5%. >> jimmy: 98.5. on what do you disagree? >> disagree? well sometimes, he thinks like my wife. i shouldn't say that i'm going to murder you if you kill someone. >> jimmy: no, no he's being ridiculous. >> but, hey, if they do it in a new form democracy in iraq hey, i should be able to say it. >> jimmy: one more question because we don't have much time. if it doesn't work out in

tennessee, would you consider moving to california to become our governor? [ applause ] i don't -- this doesn't help me. >> i'd be -- hey, i'd be a governor, any state, as long as i can fix it. >> jimmy: there you go. basil marceau, everybody! potentially the next governor of tennessee. or california. we don't care, really. we'll be r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r

r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r combo. i don't wanna jinx it but, i think we totally nailed it. we call it the "big chicken sandwich combo." what do you think?

now it's really big. it's jack's really big chicken sandwich combo. not one but two delicious chicken patties, es and a drink for only $3.99. wow... great. now i'm gonna have to rewrite the jingle.